I may be just a Girl,

i_am_in_denial @ 2007-03-22T20:45:00

2007-03-23T00:47:54Z

"Are you waiting to be skinnier, thinner, more toned, better dressed, sexier, more lovable, nicer, smarter, funnier, or wealthier before you really begin your life? Millions of us are. And it's a complete waste of time. Body obsession and the quest for perfection are destroying our lives, and we are willing partners in this destruction." --Jessica Weiner

My new counts; inspired by how_many_miles

soda-free days: 1
days (so far this week) of biking 1 hr: 2
yea!

Done.

2007-03-13T20:38:21Z

I'm ending the drama right now. I could answer the lj comments left on my previous journal (and elsewhere), but it would only be restating in so many unpleasant phrases all the things I've said before. The friendships I have ended I consider done, and I really don't care to speak of them again. I know I am not a flawless friend, but that doesn't mean I don't get to protect myself against further pain when I feel abused.

To mary kate;
I loved you so fucking much it hurt sometimes. You were my best friend. But you left, you were unhappy with your life and chose to go to a new school with new people and a new life. And while you didn't do any of that with malicious intent towards me, it still hurt like hell. And once that bond was broken, it was never really ever fixed again, it was broken forever. And I tried and I tried and I tried to fix it, and I probably could have tried harder and longer than this, but when my efforts were dashed against the rocks consistently, I didn't really feel like trying anymore. So I guess you're right, we're not aligned anymore. And that breaks my heart. But there's nothing I can do about it, there's nothing I want to do about it, anymore.

To lauren;
You are a backstabber. You've talked shit about me to my friends, you've lied about me and to me. You presume to know my home life yet with every word you say you make it more and more apparent that you never knew anything that was going on in my life. With every comment you post I find it more and more difficult to remember any of the good times we had, I find it more and more difficult to believe we ever had a meaningful friendship. At least Mary Kate could step out of this gracefully. All I can say about you now is that I think you've grown up into a really shitty person, and that everything you have said on this wonderful venue makes me hate you, it makes me wish I had never met you. I have never regretted anything in my life, but I regret our friendship ever happened, because all it taught me was the spitefulness and inherent bitterness in people.

As for the two of you buddying up, go for it. Talk about me, talk about what a horrible person I am all you want. I'm used to people talking about me behind my back, it's become a common event. Just remember that when all is said and done and you are alone with yourself, you will have to live with what you have said and done, and how you have treated other people, the same way I will.

dumb reject kid.

2006-09-07T03:44:20Z

ohh anathrax: what's up?
ohh anathrax: how's senior year going?
onigirixaddict: not much...it's going, so that's a start. i'm feeling blue currently.
ohh anathrax: why? :-(
onigirixaddict: well, I was looking at the pictures of kitties at the SPCA up for adoption, thinking how i'd like to adopt them all
onigirixaddict: and then i read this comment lauren left me
onigirixaddict: about how my aunt had called her mom asking if i could live there if she paid her like x amt each month, but how her mom decided no in the end
ohh anathrax: awww :-(
onigirixaddict: and that made me feel pretty shitty because my aunt was just calling people that i knew, trying to pawn me off so she could alleviate this ridiculous sense of responsibility she feels towards me
onigirixaddict: and still no one wanted me
onigirixaddict: and i felt like this dumb reject kid, that nobody really wants
onigirixaddict: and i thought that i was a lot like those cats, cause they don't have a real home either, and nobody wants to put the effort into taking care of them
onigirixaddict: and i just feel real shitty.

xoxo
karmi

and finally, finally I'll sleep through the night.

2006-01-29T08:39:27Z

Friends Only, bitches.

comment to be added.